Not Ready

I sit at my Dad’s bedside, as he slowly progresses toward the end of his earthly life and beginning of his forever life with Jesus in eternity.

I contemplate the last 4 years.

I was not ready when Dad went through an event in which he lost a lot of his cognitive ability.

I was not ready when my parents began to lose control of their ability to live independently.

I was not ready when he and Mom needed to be moved to an assisted living facility.

I was not ready when Alzheimer’s became so prevalent for Mom, when she needed hospice care, and eventually when she went home to be with the Lord.

And I’m not ready now, when Dad has followed the same path as Mom, and is going home with Jesus.

Assuredly I should have been ready. I’ve lived long enough to know that life always changes. But in my heart I always wanted my parents to stay just as they were. I know it’s selfishness on my part.

And now I’m not ready for the grace that Jesus bestows, despite my weakness and failures. Assuredly I do not deserve it.

Psa 34:18 Jehovah is near to those of a broken heart, and saves such as are of a contrite spirit.

Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.